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Wednesday, 17 July 2013

How I DIDNOT Win the 5,000,000,000.00 British Pound UK Lottery !!

After spending several long years, struggling with my non-existent good luck, a fresh spell of magic finally seems to have brought a closure to my woes.  I have won myself an online lottery of an intimidating exorbitant amount. And yes, that of course, should explain my certain absence from blogosphere for the last few days. I was busy recovering from my state of Euphoria, finalizing my shopping lists, drafting my resignation mail and planning for a Europe vacation. Turns out, my mobile number and E-Mail-Id has won the UK – Super-LOTTO International Lottery, held last month, at Johannesburg, South Africa. Yes friends…that are the reason why all of us should opt for Vodafone Corporate Numbers. They are such kind-hearted chaps, to have sent my phone details to innumerous credit card companies, insurance agencies, Housing Finance bodies and even to such highly esteemed International Lottery foundations. Anyways, since most of you by now, must be gasping for breath out of continuous curiosity attacks, here’s the amount - £ 5,000,000,000.00 (5 Billion British Pounds). Voila!!

I am inherently an extremely lazy chap and it literally kills me every morning as I get ready for another day at
office. Nevertheless, I reluctantly keep working primarily because my in-laws won’t be particularly glad, if I abandon my so called ‘lavish’ corporate job, just a few months after tactfully managing to marry their only daughter. Additionally since most private banks, maintain their muscle-men to take care of repetitive loan defaulters, I am not in a position to leave my job , miss a few House Loan EMIs and put myself at risk of being mercilessly beaten down by a bunch of men double my size and blessed with astronomically more physical strength. Yes, I might watch a lot about Super-Heroes stuffs, but I consider myself severely unfit for any physical altercation of any magnitude. But now that I have won the lottery, I plan to leave my job, enjoy my stint as a comfortably ‘unemployed’ family man and relax through the days to come. So here I am, drafting my resignation mail, verbally abusing and mocking the curses of my corporate job. F**k You Guys !!

Indians have always been fascinated with the ‘Phoren’ Lands. The Eiffel tower, Statue of Liberty, Sydney Opera House and the strip joints, etc. And approximate 11.3 million Indians travel abroad, yearly. This includes hoards of Uncles, Aunties and kids, on cheap ‘Special Puja vacation’ packages, running around the majestic Niagara Falls, eating a sumptuous breakfast of the humble Indian bread, half a dozen bananas and boiled eggs.  Praising the beauty around and littering the place, Indian style.  Clicking innumerous pictures which eventually show up on their Facebook Albums named ‘Our Phoren Trip – Me, Wife and Bunty’. Oh!! How dearly we love the majestic ‘Phoren’ shores. And for those who aren’t in the position to shell out for those U.S / Europe tours, we have the comparatively cheaper Singapore / Bangkok trips for just 19,999 INR per head. Anyways, the point is my long pending Europe trip. To be in IT and having visited one of those mystic ‘Phoren’ shores is catastrophic. And like many mothers of ‘super-successful’ IT folks, my mother deserves to enjoy a fair chance to brag too. I.e. the next time she faces our neighboring Sheetal Aunty, who’s Son has been in Thailand for the last two years. “Thailand?….Apna Asia wala Thailand? ish Ram…Pata hain…Mera Bunty to Europe mein hain….Are Jahan DDLJ ka shooting hua tha na…Europe”. How happy she would be.  

And while I am away on my Europe trip, I would put out my washroom for some mighty renovations. Italian
bath-tub, a wonderfully comfortable commode which would enhance the experience of crapping all together, imported floorings and a LCD Television fitted right facing the bath-tub. All of it, not because I am filthy rich. Rather as a mark of humble tribute to the one place, where a guy can truly enjoys complete peace and independence. No expectations and no extra effort to be the perfect person to everyone. In all likelihood, the commode, hand-shower and wash-basin couldn’t care less, if you are attractive or hideous, fair or dark, tall or short. Call it a sudden enlightment , but I have off-late realized and appreciated the unparalleled significance of Bathrooms and Toilets in our lives. And since I would henceforth be ‘comfortably unemployed’, there’s no dearth of leisure time, that I could spend locked inside my Bathroom, probably drafting my next blogpost. 
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Oh Damn!! The curses of evil humanity have bitten me with its venomous fangs. Someone should have informed me about those fake and fraudulent Lottery Emails. Now that I just finished off, drafting my resignation Email and got started with the list of To-Dos, it seems I have been deceived big time. UK – International Super Lotto being organized at South Africa. That is so very geographically incorrect. Oh!! My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. Time to boot up my office laptop and get back to impressing those Chinese Clients, so dearly in need of a strangely complex Banking Application.




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The Great Indian Curry by Soham Roy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.great-indian-curry.com
soham.roy@hotmail.com
Kolkata , India
(+91)9836267272
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